Healing from Past Lovers – Integrating the Lessons and Moving On

Each partner you have had was the right one for you at the time for the level of consciousness you were at when you were with them. If you end a relationship without taking responsibility for your part in it, and integrate the lessons it brought you, whatever is unresolved will follow you into the next relationships. 

It is so important to release unprocessed emotions, grieve the loss – not just of the partner but any hopes you had with being with them; any dreams you had together and the unfulfilled expectations you had. 

Each relationship and partner also brings out something a little different from within, so sometimes we need to process that also and recognise the dynamics that came out in that relationship and the things that may have been triggered inside you. Our inner child always comes out in relationship, often seeking what our parents were not able to give to us. Sometimes our expectations on partners are unrealistic in that we are seeking them to do what our inner child wanted from our parents and not so much what we need or want from a lover. You need to be wildly honest with yourself in these reflections. Understanding and working with your inner child’s needs will be crucial to move forward in your next relationship so you are aware what are her/his needs/expectations and that they do not impede on your relationship.

To be fully free in relationships, consider the following insights:

• Work with your inner child’s expectations.

• Recognise the pain you are feeling underneath your anger and blame.

• Take responsibility for your part of what happened (it’s ALWAYS a co-creation).

• Thank your ex for what was good and give them a place in your heart.

• Don’t discuss intimate details about your ex with current partner (ever!!).

• Do not criticise your ex to your current partner.

• If you have children together, respect your ex is present in your children. In this way your child won’t feel torn at a Soul level.

• Allow your children to embrace their parent (your ex) no matter what happened between you.

• Wish your ex well.

Managing your partner’s ex

• Take your place amongst your partners’ exes with dignity.

• Cultivate an attitude of maturity and gratitude and acknowledge your partner’s ex for their part in your partner’s journey and what happened that has now made space for you to enter their life. 

• Do not ask your partner intimate questions about their ex – whether it is curiosity or insecurity or comparison – do not ask!

• If your partner has children with an ex, acknowledge that their relationship and family came first, and give them any time they need together. 

• Work on your own insecurities to become mature and DO NOT compare yourself or compete with an ex. 

A Healing Sentence to say to your Ex 

“Thank you for what you brought into my life. I will keep what was good in my heart. The things I complain about I will look within to learn more about myself and grow, rather than blaming you. I take responsibility for what I brought into the relationship and I leave what was yours with you. I give you and the love we shared a place in my heart (and in our children). I wish you well in life.”




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