This post is dedicated to anyone who has personally struggled with falling pregnant, or knows someone who has. This is some of my story.
My fiancé and I decided to try for a baby about 2 1/2 years ago. My partner was quite nervous, thinking it might happen quickly so he dragged me along to Baby Expos and the like so we could properly prepare ourselves. But nothing happened. And while nothing was happening for us, our friends were deciding to start their families, getting pregnant and having babies.
This process, as you can imagine, has been incredibly painful. Along the way it has made me wonder if the universe doesn’t want me to be a mother? Am I a bad person who doesn’t deserve to have children? Did I do something bad in a past life and this is my punishment? Trust me I’ve thought about every possibility.
In the beginning I would do a pregnancy test pretty much every month, and feel that overwhelming sense of disappointment. Then I just stopped.
Probably the hardest thing is knowing my friends have stressed themselves out wondering how they were going to tell me they were expecting. Or, when people find out, they usually ask if I’ve tried IVF. A common misconception is that IVF fixes everything. Sadly that’s not the case and it wouldn’t work for us in our situation.
But my story isn’t all doom and gloom. Along the way I’ve discovered just how strong my faith is. No matter what, I still believe that we will be parents. Also, out of this heartache, a book has been born. I’m about to start writing a proposal to secure a publishing deal. And if I didn’t have this experience, there would be no book and no lessons to learn.
Watch this space.